my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
