You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
