dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
