i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
