If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
