You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
