The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
