everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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