The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
