all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
