I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
