At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
