yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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