So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
