His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
