NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
