He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i may or may not be watching the land before time
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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