im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
