South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
