she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
