Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
