bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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