I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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