im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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