I'll bet she douches with gravy.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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