Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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