they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
why is half of my head shaved?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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