Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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