I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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