so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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