Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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