therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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