I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
