If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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