wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
