Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
