It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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