that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize