I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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