There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
