she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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