so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize