Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
