I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize