And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
