new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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