You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
