It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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