a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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