my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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