Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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