You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
