No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
