All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
