I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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