I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
