I'm gonna have a badass scar
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize