eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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