i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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