I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
