I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
