May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
