Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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