his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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