operation harelip BJ is a go
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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