Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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