Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
