Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
