She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
