I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
