and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
