I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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