85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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