I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
