did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize