so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My cat gives me a boner
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
